And I did it, albeit very slowly, I did it. What's even more exciting is how much I enjoyed it, every step of it. In my ripe ole age of 36, I have come to realize that sometimes it's ok to let go of "time goals," to trade in "pushing myself to the absolute limit" for "a highly enjoyable jaunt." It's fun for me to observe my intensity level shift a bit (or a lot of bits) when it comes to races, especially this one. This was probably the first race I've ever run that I wasn't honed in on a time goal and I really wasn't even aware of the thousands of other people running beside me. I was in my zone and it felt as though there was nothing but me, my music, the beautiful canyon walls rising up on either side of me, and my thoughts. Around mile 3, I found my thoughts drifting back to the last time I ran through this canyon, four years ago. Tom and I were dating at the time and we ran this race together with some friends. As I meandered through the canyon this time, passing milemarker after milemarker, I found myself with a smile on my face as I remembered various "milemarkers" that our relationship has hit along the way. It was as though I could actually feel the sun on my face as Tom and I sat in Telluride sipping coffee on our Engagement Trip. And I so clearly remember joking with each other about moving to the hip and hoppin' (read sarcasm) town of Naturita as we drove through it on our way to Moab. And it seems like just yesterday that I felt the nervous anticipation bubbling up in me as we hiked up to Delicate Arch by moonlight, suspecting a proposal might be just moments away. This quickly replaced by the ecstatic joy I felt as Tom got down on one knee beneath the arch, the moonlight our only witness, and asked me to spend the rest of my life with him as his wife. Of course, I said yes. I could not wait to marry him and see where this journey would go. And so the miles continued to fly by as I reminisced about our wedding day and honeymoon...mile 6, mile 7, mile 8. This was the happiest running I'd ever experienced!
Some people say that life is like a run, with uphills and downhills, moments where you feel light and free and overall incredible, and other moments when your legs feel like lead and you have to struggle to keep your pace. I'd dare say that marriage can be a little like that too. There are those seasons when the course is flat and easy, when communication feels natural and you're on the same page. And there are those seasons when the road takes a turn uphill, like mile 11 of this course and you have to remember your goal, dig deep, lean into that hill and keep putting one foot in front of the other. I liken that to when the furnace breaks, the car breaks, and you have to go to the ER, oh and you are evacuated from your home for carbon monoxide...all in one week! Or when we're both stressed and feeling overwhelmed by the to-do list, on the verge of getting sick, and don't feel like we have a whole lot to give to each other. Or when we're reacting to each other rather than responding, or blaming rather than listening. We've had those moments in our marriage too, when we've really had to work to connect and choose to love each other even when it's felt hard. But thankfully, similar to this race, those moments have been far outnumbered by the ones that feel deeply satisfying and rewarding.
As I reached the top of the hill and turned the corner past mile marker 12, all I could think about was how far we've come, having added a little mini-meuz to the mix and hoping for more.
My thoughts drifted back to yesterday when the three of us hiked up to Delicate Arch for the first time since we got engaged up there. We talked about the overwhelming joy we felt being back up there, this time with our son. We were mesmerized by Ben's fascination with playing in the red dirt and thrilled to watch his curiosity let loose. By this point in the race, I found myself in the home stretch, less than a half mile to go. I could taste the finish and all I could think about was getting to hug my two favorite guys, waiting at the end. And that's when I spotted them, Tom waving Ben's hand and yelling, "Go Mommy!" That's when it happened, the flood gates could hold them back no more, tears started streaming down my face uncontrollably as I crossed that finish line. And the tears weren't about the fact that I ran some 13.1 miles, or completed another race, no they were about so much more than that. The tears were for what the race symbolized, the milestones and memories of an incredible journey thus far. I hope for many many more miles on the journey and I am confident that the work will be so worth the reward.
Love this post. :*)
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