It Takes a Village

While I’ve never actually read Hillary Clinton’s book by this same title, I have quickly come to learn that it does indeed take a village to raise a child. In our Western culture, the term ‘village’ may be defined quite differently than in other cultures, but in my opinion, it takes a village nonetheless! In the time known as B.M.K. (Before Marriage and Kid), I had a tendency to try to do most things on my own, somehow equating ‘needing someone’s help’ with weakness. I’m ashamed to admit it, because I love to help others, but I have a very hard time asking for help myself. Perhaps it was the first child in me or the fact that I am a byproduct of this isolationist, pull yourself up by your bootstraps culture, or maybe I just felt like I had something to prove as a woman. Or quite possibly, it was just a mask for that weakness no one likes to admit, pride.

The reality is we do need each other. We need other people. And that’s a good thing. Needing each other doesn't weaken us, it strengthens us. The opportunity to give and receive in relationship is such a gift. It builds trust and it strengthens connection. Why would I want to rob myself of that? Oh right, the pride thing. Well, fortunately for me, being married and having a child have quickly stripped me of much of my pride, and in more ways than one. I’ve had to ask for help on plenty of occasions. And lately, sometimes that request just comes in the form of a desperate look on my face, like when I’m trying to lug my increasingly heavy son in his car seat into the dry cleaners, while carrying about 10 items of clothing in the other hand, with my purse thrown over my shoulder. You know that look? The “please, please, be so kind and open the door for me so I don’t have to put something down and then have to figure out how swing open the door and quickly scoop everything up in my arms again in such a way that I can still get through the door before it hits me in the behind” look.

Just a couple of weeks ago, Tom was out of town and I had hoped to attend a Mom’s Night Out event with some of the other Stroller Strides mamas. The event was a cooking class where the moms attend the class while the dads hang with the kiddos in the play area. This event, by the way, just so happened to take place at a local venue named, The Village. Coincidence, I think not. Anyway, obviously I couldn’t go to the event sans a caretaker for my child. So, that morning, a couple of the other mamas said to me, “you should go, Melissa, our husbands will watch Ben. It would be no problem at all.” My first reaction, “oh but I hate to pawn B off on some other dad. I feel bad doing that.” My second reaction, I got over it. I accepted the offer with gratitude and had a blast at the cooking class while one of the dad’s watched my lil man (thanks again, Stephanie!). And I think B had a fun time too. I know it seems like a little thing, but I think that in day to day life, the little things often feel like big things!

Yes, we need each other, especially when life throws us curve balls. One of my dear friends has been thrown a whole lot of curve balls, the latest being her husband's diagnosis of a rare form of lymphoma, and the starting of his treatment, all while she has a 2 year old and is nearly 9 months pregnant with her second. I'm so thankful that I have time to meet with her for coffee, to watch her 2 year old, to support her in any way I can. She has asked me to be in the labor & delivery room with her for the birth of her daughter. This, to me, feels both like an incredible privilege and honor, as well as a daunting responsibility. What if I don’t say or do the right things? I don’t know how to coach someone through labor. But I have to stop and tell myself, sometimes being a friend is just showing up. Hopefully, my presence will be support enough. I know that this is a season that she and her family are in, albeit a very dark and stormy season. I believe the storm will end for her, but I want to stay in it with her until it does. I know that I have and will have stormy seasons in my life when I will need, like it or not, the support of the people in my life.

Relationships are so important in times of celebration too. Afterall, we want people to witness the milestones we hit and the commitments we make in life. Last Sunday, we had Ben baptized. We invited many of our family and friends to attend, with the understanding that we cannot raise Ben in the way we desire, by ourselves. We greatly value our friends who feel like family and our family who feel like friends, and we hope that they will continue to walk with us on this journey called life, and us with them. They are part of our village. And I do not want to try to live this life apart from my village…ever again!