Fragility of the Moment

Moments, they come and they go and with my son, they seem to come and go quite frequently. Some moments go like this, we're playing on the floor, singing songs, shaking colorful rattles, smiling, and laughing away. Between all of the natural love I feel for my son and large amounts of oxytocin (aka the love hormone) pumping through my body, the bonding is beautiful and we're "having a moment." And then "it" happens. I'm really not sure what "it" is, except that in a split second, our "moment" is invaded by a storm of unhappiness. Ben will be in mid-laugh and then suddenly, it turns to a whine, then drifts into an all-out cry. And I find myself internally saying, "whoah, whoah, no, no, no crying, no ruining this moment, this was such a good moment we were having...too late, the moment's over." I don't know what causes Ben's mood to flip so quickly, but it happens nearly every day.

Then of course, there are those moments, albeit rare, when I feel on top of things as a mom. The moment likely occurs late morning, when I've been able to accomplish a number of things, like eating breakfast before 9am, getting us out of the house for a walk or run, then back home for some play time, and managed to get a shower and actually...whoahhhh...b-l-o-w d-r-y my hair, all before noon. I'm feeling good, found my rhythm, on top of it, oh yeah! Then, in a flash, before I can do anything to avoid it, Ben's lil tummy decides to give back his last meal, all over my shirt and just blow-dried hair! Sweet moment of feeling "put together," GONE, just like that!

Recently, I went for a walk with a friend and her baby at a nearby park. It was a beautiful colorado fall day, blue skies, bright sun, crisp air. We had a fantastic walk around the lake and when we got back to the parking lot, I was thinking about how much I was enjoying the day and how I just wanted to be outside all afternoon. That's when I noticed it, dark glass all over the parking lot. I thought to myself, "that stinks for someone," then I look up and realize that that someone was yours truly. Someone had busted the window of my car and stolen my purse (yes it was in the car, but yes it was hidden). The "this is such a beautiful, wonderful day" sentiment quickly left and was replaced with "oh my goodness, I'm here by myself with a hungry 4 month old, there's glass all over his carseat, and I have no idea what to do" thoughts.

The feelings of violation and frustration at having to replace everything in my purse aside, I was struck again by how quickly a mood or a moment can change. And I find that I could spend each beautiful moment imagining what awful or frustrating thing might happen to ruin the moment, but then I'd miss all of those beautiful moments. Moments are fragile. I want to be present in and soak in all of the sweetness of each beautiful moment that comes my way. It may flip on a dime, but if I soak them up right, even the worst things that come my way can't steal the beauty of those moments. So, here's to the small, wonderful moments of each day. May we drink them in while they're in front of us!