Simple Moments, Sweet Joys

While I can’t remember much these days, I do remember when I was pregnant with my first child, Ben, and people would ask me all sorts of questions, mostly of the well-meaning but occasionally dumbfounding variety (like, did you really just comment, ‘you look huge, are you so ready to have that baby?’). And then they would often proceed in their attempts to ‘prepare me for motherhood’ by saying things like, “sleep now because you won’t sleep for the next 18 years” or “ get ready because your life is about to totally change, it’s gonna be all about diapers and feeding and the latest Pixar movie from here on out.” Or there’s my favorite, “brace yourself for this baby to rock your marriage. It’s extremely difficult to find time for you and hubby to connect once baby arrives and to talk about things other than poopy diapers and a sleep schedule. But you need to find that time, so be intentional.” The picture of the child-rearing phase being painted in my head could have easily been entitled, “Misery.” Hearing all of these stories and pieces of advice started to send me into a bit of a panic as I found myself begging my husband, “Tell me again, why we chose to do this.” But I reasoned that those same people choose to have more than one child, so there has to be an/some upside(s), right?

And in all honesty, now that I have my own child, I can say that much of what people ‘warned’ me about is true in some way. It IS challenging. Having a child does change your life, it does change your marriage, but not all for worse, and in fact, not even mostly. What I wasn’t hearing much of when I was pregnant, what I wished I had heard, were the sweet moments, the ones that I think people are thinking of (but often don’t bother to tell you or perhaps they can’t articulate) when they pat me on the shoulder and assured me, “but it’s all worth it.” In my opinion, those are the stories that expectant mamas and papas need to hear. Of course it’s healthy to have our expectations set as realistic as possible, but there are plenty of books out there to inform us of our impending lack of sleep. And the reality, at least my reality, is that there are countless tender moments that really don’t carry the weight they deserve until you experience them for yourself. So, now that I’ve ventured a mere 14 months into the motherhood and am preparing to welcome another little monkey to our family, I thought I would share just 10 (of many) sweet moments I’ve experienced with Ben that consistently melt my heart, increase the ‘love-flow’ as I call it, and truly (I swear to you) make being a mom, the incredible, wonderful, life-changing journey that it is.

1. The wide-eyed gaze of wonderment that my son gets when he rides in the stroller, in awe of the trees rustling in the wind, the puffy white clouds dancing in the sky, and the birds serenading us as we stroll on by (one big reason why a ‘peek-window’ in the shade canopy is so worth it!)

2. The hearty laughter that erupts from the pit of his belly in uncontrollable waves simply because that one little piggy dared to go ‘wee wee wee, all the way home.’

3. The look of joy that emanates from his face as he hears the altogether new sound that he created by banging 2 plastic balls together in his tiny hands.

4. When we arrive home in the car and he is cashed out in his carseat, appearing so peaceful and serene, his long eyelashes resting on his cheeks, which appear chubbier and even more kissable than usual. And I take a moment to watch and listen to his soft rhythmic breathing, a sort of breathing that speaks the language of rest.

5. The glowing pride he radiates as he dares to take an unassisted step and then proceeds to crash into the safety of my embrace, laughing with delight.

6. The initial moments following a nap, when I walk into his room, assuring him and his tears that “mommy is here.” He peers up at me from his crib, still half asleep, arms stretched in the air, with that one giant, salty tear drop still resting on his cheek. I pick him up and he clings with both hands to my neck and rests his warm, sleepy head on my shoulder, cuddling for a moment or two before he spots his toy on the floor and starts squirming to get down, ready to begin exploring his world all over again.

7. Bathtime – His excitement and laughter as he splashes at the water and squirts a stream into my face with his little dolphin-shaped bath toy. And as I bundle him up in his towel and nuzzle my face into his tufts of soft, fine hair, I breathe in the sweet smells of chamomile and lavender, sweetness to my senses.

8. The persistence he demonstrates as he pushes his fire truck through the living room, up and over that pillow that threatened to stop him, ‘vroom-vrooming his way on through!’

9. I can’t help but laugh and appreciate (for now anyway) the moments when he dares to drop a piece of food over the edge of his high chair to our dog, who now consistently parks her ever-widening behind under the high chair at meal time. As I point to my mouth and firmly say, ‘Ben, you eat your food, in your mouth please. Do not give it to Sami,’ he flashes me a rebellious grin, drops it right into Sami’s mouth, and laughs like he’s just pulled off the biggest scam in the world. Like I said, it’s funny now but ask me again in two years!

10. When we arrive somewhere new and to him, quite foreign, I can see the adventurous look in his eyes. He wants so desperately to explore his new surroundings. He wanders out from my embrace, crawling (soon to be walking) over to some shiny object or person, to check it out. And a moment or two later, he quickly comes crawling back to my arms, a place where he has learned will greet him with safety and love. And he repeats this ‘out and back’ behavior over and over again, each time discovering a little more how he is separate from me, his own little person, but also how he can still come back to me, and I will be there. I recognize that these ‘out and back’ adventures are going to become farther and last longer with each passing year, which is why I want to cherish each and every sweet, tender, joy-evoking moment with him that I can!

(Right click and press 'stop download' if you can't play the video; and you might want to turn your volume down to avoid hearing my high-pitched, squeaky mom voice!)

Love The One You're With!

Standing in the grocery store line last week, I couldn’t help but be assaulted by, err, notice the magazine headlines clamoring for my attention: “10 Tips to Get a Hot Body Now;” “Swimsuits That Slim You Instantly;” “Four kids, no time, this body…find out how she does it.;” “How to Get the Body of Your Favorite Celeb;” “5 cellulite fixes that actually work;” “The trick to getting rid of your double chin;” “Down 35 lbs and already rockin’ a bikini bod just 5 weeks after giving birth.” I wanted to burn them all, the magazines that is, not because I wouldn’t love to have the body of a celebrity or lose my double chin, but because I tire of the messages our culture sends to women about their bodies. Messages like, you have to be skinny to be sexy, you’ll only be desired for your outward beauty, you’re identity is in how you look, and on and on they go. They’re sometimes subtle, sometimes blatant, but either way they tend to leave women feeling dissatisfied with their bodies and under constant pressure to look a certain way.

I’m very much for healthy eating, being fit and in shape, and taking care of your body. But I’m also for balance, accepting the body you’ve been given, and rockin’ what you got! The journey to have a healthy body image has been life-long for me. And not long after I hit my stride as I rolled into my 30’s, feeling really comfortable in my own skin, did I get pregnant. At first, there wasn’t much of a physical change, at least outwardly. Yet the hormones kicked in immediately, ‘the girls’ began to ache, and my tummy began to rebel. And shortly thereafter, the visible signs appeared as my belly began to burgeon, along with other parts of me that unexpectedly burgeoned too! For me, it was my backside, my bum, my derriere, whatever you want to call it. When I'm preggo, it grows at approximately the same pace as my belly. Perhaps it's attempting to even things out, so as to keep me balanced, or at least that's what I tell myself anyway!

Every woman is different and thus, the shape that a pregnancy takes varies from body to body. The one certainty is that your body will change when you're pregnant. How do you handle this change? Some women welcome it completely, taking great comfort and joy in the fact that this ever expanding body is growing another human being. But many women I've talked to experience mixed feelings, the comfort and joy mentioned above, meshed with a struggle to love their widening, softening, and ever growing body.

An even greater challenge for many women, me included, is that of embracing our bodies which are forever changed once we've pushed out that bowling ball-sized bundle of love. No one warned me that I would still look pregnant AFTER I gave birth! I remember having a friend come to visit me in the hospital the day that my son was born. I was in the bathroom when she arrived and as I came out, I felt the need to warn her, "I swear I gave birth today, but I still look pregnant!" This not to mention that I was incredibly swollen EVERYWHERE due to the IV that had to be pumped through me for 45 hours. I look back at pictures of me with my family, shortly after Ben's birth, and let's just say, it's hard for me to see myself in that state.

I immediately loved my sweet baby boy more than I ever thought I could love someone who wasn't my husband, but I struggled to accept all the jiggle in places I never knew could jiggle and that I weighed more than I ever had in my life even though I was sans baby in the belly. But through the years, I've come to realize that body image or how I feel about my body is really a matter of perception and attitude. I know women who at 39 weeks pregnant, if you looked at them from the backside, you wouldn't be able to tell they were pregnant. And those same women slid back into their size 2 skinny jeans just days after giving birth. Yet, in talking with some of those women, they too, identified parts of their bodies with which they were dissatisfied. As someone who will NEVER don a pair of skinny jeans (due to calves that are about the same size as my thighs, ok not quite, but you get the picture), I initially thought to myself, 'but how in the world could you be dissatisfied with your body when you look like THAT?' But I was quickly reminded that no matter our shape or size, we as women can always find parts of our bodies that we don't like, often times much more easily than we can identify the parts we're happy with. All too often, I think we waste a lot of energy being mad at our bodies, rather than making friends with them.

Long before my baby-making days, in effort to 'make friends with my body,' I began asking myself this question from time to time, "Right now, is your body a stranger, enemy, or friend?" I began to explore my views and beliefs towards my body and where those were coming from. I found that many of my beliefs came from what culture was telling me I was supposed to look like rather than what my preferences were or what made me feel good.

After giving birth, I desperately needed to revisit the stranger, enemy, or friend question. I also realized that I needed to spend some time reflecting on the awesome feats my body had just pulled off. As I did, I began to thank my body. It may sound corny, but sometimes a little heart to heart, or rather heart to thighs dialogue is necessary for me. And as I listen to my body, and sit in awe of everything my body does for me on a daily basis, I am filled with gratitude, able to more easily accept my not-so-favorite-parts.

These are a few questions/exercises that seem to help me and thought I’d pass them along!

1. Right now, do you see your body as a stranger, enemy, or friend?
2. What attitude do you have towards your body today? Positive or negative? Grateful or disparaging?
3. Make a list of the amazing things your body has done for you today. Perhaps you could start with the fact that your body woke up this morning breathing!
4. What have you done to love your body today? Maybe start with thinking about what things you could actually do to love your body. Here are a few that I like: feeding it healthy foods, exercise, warm bath
5. Think of something that makes you feel beautiful, not beautiful in the "so and so told me I totally rock those jeans" kind of beautiful, but something that makes you feel beautiful inside and out. For me, it's going for a hike or a run, somewhere in nature. Something about the sun shining on my face, the wind blowing in my hair, and my body carrying me up a hill leaves me feeling strong and beautiful. Whatever it is for you, DO IT!
6. What does it look like for you to accept what you're not and embrace all that you are, when it comes to your body?

As my second pregnancy ensues, it once again is debatable as to whether the baby is growing in my belly or my bum, but I'm in a much better place this time around to be friends with my burgeoning backside. I'm choosing to treat my body right, eating healthy and exercising, and I feel great. Everyday, I make it a practice to thank my body for its willingness to undergo such duress, so as to grant me with another beautiful family member to love. After all, we only have one body, so I say, love the one you're with!

Hard Wall, Hard Head

I suppose it's been a while, as in decades, since I've stopped to actually think about the fact that if I move head first towards a wall, my head and the wall will at some point collide, movement will be halted and it may very well hurt. At my wise old age of 37 (it's true, it's true) that reality is pretty ingrained and thus I make it a habit not to walk or crawl head first into walls. That's not to say that I don't bang my head frequently on other things like cabinet doors, because I do, but not purposefully! However, my cute little 1 yr old has no such wisdom yet and is, in fact, discovering the many things his body can do. He's developing his spacial awareness, aka crawling head first into walls and closing doors on his fingers. He will literally crawl right into the wall, almost as if to say, "I've learned the wall is coming, but where is it? How far until I get to it? Oh, there it is, ouch!" (As evidenced in video below!)


He's discovering the sounds he can make when he bangs his hands (and his head) on different things, like the wall, the window, a bowl, his high chair, my leg, etc... And then he's also learning how to open and close doors, fascinated by his ability to do so, but altogether surprised when he pushes the door so as to wedge his head in between the door and the door frame and then can't figure out how to pull his head out. Both the look of "Mommy, I did it, I opened the door, I'm so proud!" and the look of "oh no, oh no, I got my head stuck. This was fun but now it's nooooooot" are priceless, each in their own ways.

I love love love watching him discover what he can do as I imagine the surprise, the joy, the pride, the frustration, and sometimes even the fear he seems to feel with each new discovery. This last week, he took his first step by himself and then immediately proceeded to crash into my arms, face marked with a giant smile and a belly filled with laughter. Oh and my heart is stretched a little bigger by the soft fists of joy with each of these tender moments. Yes, I may have gained some wisdom over the years, even though I am pretty sure I've lost a good deal of it during these two pregnancies. But I've started to wonder, in gaining wisdom, knowledge, and familiarity, perhaps a little of the joy of discovery is lost. How many 'firsts' do I have now, at my age? Yet, Ben is full of firsts, his life full of newness and discovery. And in watching him, I am reminded to continue discovering and finding new ways to stretch and grow myself. I don't think I'll start crawling into walls, but I am encouraged to try some new things, being ever the learner. Thanks, once again Ben, for a sweet reminder. You truly are my pride and joy...and though you have one hard head, you also have one tender heart!

Distractible Me

Ah, I fondly remember the days when I would linger over a glass of wine or a foamy latte with a friend, conversations about world issues, social justice, faith, and outdoor adventures, filling the space between us. Present, focused, relaxed, engaged are just a few of the words that I might have used to describe myself during those conversations. And after those hours of wonderful conversation, I’d meander out the door, contemplating what shops I might quickly pop into on my way home.

Gone are those days, or so it might seem, replaced by quick lunches and conversations peppered with references to teething, pooping, and nap schedules, worked around frequent floor searches for a dropped toy. Any decent and interesting conversation is quickly interrupted by a cute little 1 year old who steals the show (and mommy’s attention) everywhere he goes with his 4 tooth smile and animated babbling. To be honest, I remember thinking in my life BK (Before Kids), how annoying it was to try to talk with a friend who had her kids with her, with the constant interruptions and change of topics because we couldn’t remember what we had been talking about before those interruptions. But now I get it, I get it because I am that mom, and Distractible Me is my name.

And to be honest, it’s a struggle for me. It’s not any easier than it was when I was on the kidless end of things. It’s a daily challenge I face as a mom, feeling pulled in a multitude of directions. I never want to think of my son as an interruption. He is my focus, my first human priority next to my husband. So, as I continue to learn how to navigate my way through the land of Mommyhood, the challenge becomes, how do I still make time, quality, focused time, in which I can be present with my girlfriends and other people in my life? Relationships are super important to me, they always have been. And now I have these two, soon to be three, main relationships in my life that I desire to pour into with all my heart. But sometimes I feel like I just want to throw my hands up and say, ‘what gives? Because something has got to give.’ While I know relationships with people outside of my family have and will change and morph with the times, I want to be careful to still nurture my closest ones because I personally need that connection.

Last week, a very good friend of mine treated me to dinner in celebration of my birthday. This is a friend with whom our regular connection happens over a walk to the park with our kids, where conversation is choppy at best, squeezed into the moments between runs down the slide and swing-pushing. This birthday dinner was to be sans kids and it was WONDERFUL! 3.5 hours of uninterrupted, meaningful conversation, covering just about every relevant (to us) topic imaginable, including professional ideas and goals, child-rearing philosophies, body image, challenges of marriage, our most recent triumphs and struggles. Did I mention how wonderful it was? Even though it was well past my pathetic bedtime of 9:30 pm when we finally said our goodbyes, I felt more energized and refreshed than I had in a long time. A few days later, our husbands were talking and commented on how happy my friend and I both were when we arrived home that night. The hubbys agreed that we should make this a habit and that they were willing to watch the kids on a regular basis to make it happen for us. No arguments from us, twist of the arms unnecessary, we are so up for that!

One of the topics my friend and I discussed at dinner that night was our frustration with feeling so distracted. Though we both cherish our friendship, we both confessed often feeling like a ‘bad friend’ due to our inability to be truly present with each other. But we both recognize that when one of our kids falls down and hits her head or starts eating the sand rather than playing with it, that conversation is trumped by the need to attend to our little ones. It just is. But this is no easy thing to accept at times. Both of us therapists, we once prided ourselves in being good listeners and in our ability to be truly present and engaged with people. We asked ourselves, is that ability gone? Are we forever destined to be distractible, plate spinning, stressed out moms? NO. No, it doesn’t have to be that way, was our conclusion. We just need to set aside time to cultivate those things, quality time where our attentions aren’t being pulled in all different directions. We absolutely love our kids with all our hearts, but we recognize that we are better wives and moms when we are intentional about having good ole’ girlfriend time!

In the last year, I’ve tried to squeeze girlfriend time into times when I have Ben with me because I’ve wanted to guard my evenings and weekends for time with Tom. And while it’s easy for me to ask Tom to watch Ben while I go for a run, somehow I feel guilty asking for time to get out with a girlfriend. I guess because I’ve had this thinking (until now) that being a Stay-at-home-mom affords me the opportunity to get together with girlfriends all the time, but it’s always with our kids (or at least with my kid if they don’t have kids). So, really it’s not time that allows for deep conversation or connection, it’s more like I have company while I’m taking care of Ben in some way. Making the distinction between the need for company and the need for connection has been huge for me. And knowing that one-on-one time with a friend energizes and refreshes me as much as doing anything active, has been helpful for me in deciding to set aside time for that at least once a month.

I’m finding that my attempt to balance all of the demands of motherhood is no easy task, especially when those demands are constantly changing. I love my husband, I love my baby boy, I love my friends, and I even love the work that I do. Yet I struggle to feel like I’m doing all of these things well, rather I often feel like I’m doing a so-so job at all of them. I know it’s a process, one that requires constant prioritizing and taking the time to remember what’s important to me in the moments when I start to forget, or rather, get distracted!

Adventures of Summer

July, already? Fourth of July weekend felt like it should have been Memorial Day Weekend! Where is the summer going? My little baby boy is now officially a toddler (sniff sniff), turning 1 last week. And much to my disbelief, I am already 20 weeks along in this pregnancy. Half way, woot woot! I summarize this part of the pregnancy with the phrase, "gaining pounds, losing speed." What phrase would characterize your life right now? Between the heat and the belly, I'm losing steam when it comes to my workouts, growing more tired by the day. But it feels good to continue to at least show up, just not pushing myself as much. I continue to learn what it means to have both awareness of my body and listen to what it's telling me. Yesterday it told me that it needed ice cream!

As I mentioned, I'm 20 weeks along, which means we had 'the big ultrasound.' Thankfully, baby looked healthy and we saw lots of appropriately formed parts, fingers, toes, spine, legs, arms, nose, and one definite penis! Yes, we are having another boy! For those of you that remember, I cried when they told me Ben was a boy. It was mostly because I come from a family of 3 girls and I had absolutely no idea about boys. Yes, I married a man, but boys? I didn't have a clue and I always pictured myself being the mom of a little girl. Apparently, God had another idea in mind for our family, as I'm about to become the mom of not one, but 2 boys! Now that I know Ben and the delight that he is each and every day, I can't imagine it any other way. But I'm still spending a good deal of time these days contemplating what it means to be the mom of two boys. Only time will tell!

One thing I know to be certain is that if the second is anything like Ben, it will mean lots of activity and even more loads of dirt! Ben proves over and over again his love for the elements, particularly earth and water.
He makes a beeline towards anything with water, the dog dish, the toilet, a water bottle, he can't get enough! And the dirt, well, he loves to play in the dirt. We went camping up at Lake Dillon for 3 nights over the Fourth of July weekend and we had a blast. But I have to laugh at myself in hindsight. I went armed with wash cloths and multiple packages of wet wipes, with intentions of keeping Ben clean throughout the weekend. HAH!!! Clean would not re-enter any of our self-descriptions until we exited the shower back at home. To say that we got down and dirty would be an understatement. For proof see the pics! Fortunately, having been a backpacking guide, I don't mind the dirt and thus, we kind of adopted the attitude, 'if you can't beat 'em, join 'em!'

The camping weekend was an adventure in and of itself, attempting to get a 1 yr old to go to sleep in a tent when it's still light out, dogs are barking, older kids are laughing and playing, and people are talking right outside of that tent.

It strikes me as funny to see how my definition of an adventure has morphed throughout the years. For now, three nights camping while 5 months preggo and with a 1 yr. old, qualifies as an adventure. For me, so long as there is an element of the outdoors and an element of challenge, I am happy. I am a better wife, mom, and friend, when adventure is somehow infused into my life. That is one thing I have learned this year.

That being said, we will embark on another big adventure in a few weeks, a 9 hour road trip and 3 day trip on a house boat on Lake Powell. Things on the list to buy: lots of snacks and a life vest that fits a 17 pounder! And for now, we live into the little adventures of everyday life, like getting creative with our veggies from our CSA and that of that of transitioning from bottle to sippy cup and infant car seat to big boy convertible seat. Summer is flying, life is full of adventure, just the way I like it!

A Dive Into the Deep

Wow! It’s been a while since I’ve last posted. I think I missed the entire month of May! I've been busy doing some other writing, spending time with my two favorite males, and well let's be honest, napping a little more often now that I'm once again brewing another human in my belly! Summer is in full swing, the birds are chirping, the grill is gettin’ regular action, and the mountains beckon on a daily basis as the temps soar into the 90s here in Denver. Ben is crawling his way towards the 1 year mark, which he will hit in only 3 weeks. And we will find out the sex of our second baby in a mere 2 weeks. Yes, there’s a lot goin’ on around here. June is the month when the trees and flowers are in full bloom here in Denver, and it also happens to be, like Ben, the month of my birth. I think that between all of the new life and growth surrounding me and the realization that I am another year older (and wiser, right?), it’s urged me to do some reflecting, dreaming, hoping, and planning. It has also caused me to ponder what it means to “live into who I am.” I’ve always said that the twenties are great because it’s a time of discovery, discovering who you are, what you love, and what you want your life to be about. And then the thirties are this marvelous time when you sort of settle in to who you are, hopefully having accepted (for the most part) who you are and who you’re not, being comfortable with what you’re good at and easily acknowledging those areas in which you are, shall we say, less than gifted!

I was really enjoying this stage of life, feeling like I’d developed a pretty strong sense of who I am, learning to care a lot less what other people think of me, when I got pregnant. After Ben was born, I quit my full-time job as a therapist to be a stay-at-home mom. And let me say, I love being at home with Ben and I wouldn’t trade it for the world. At the same time, it’s a new season and I have a new role, a big one. And I’ve spent the last year attempting to figure out or perhaps understand who I am as a mom, as well as remember the things I’m passionate about and how they fit with my new role. I’m reminded that I love writing, I love exercising and being outdoors, and I love connecting with others. So, I am trying to do those things on a consistent basis. Of course they look different now, as I fit my writing into the chunks of time when Ben is sleeping, I work out by pushing Ben in the stroller or carrying him on my back, and I usually connect with others at places like the playground or the pool. Yes, my life does revolve around my family, but I like it that way and it doesn’t mean that I still can’t pursue those things which are at the core of who I am. It all just takes on a new shape and I realize that it takes some time to figure out what that shape is.

As I’ve spent time reflecting and dreaming, I’ve had moments where the temptation to compare has gotten the best of me. I’ve always said that comparison is the thief of all joy. I will never live into who I am supposed to be if in my head, I am too busy comparing myself with (read: not measuring up to) other moms around me. Will I ever be the mom who keeps the perfect house that’s always clean? Nope. Will I ever be the mom who remembers to give my son his vitamin D drop or brush his 2 teeth twice a day? Probably not. Will I ever be the mom who works full-time, starts her own non-profit, and still manages to shuttle her kids to their sporting events AND cook gourmet meals (like a friend of mine)? Again, the chances are slim to none. Will I ever be a person who functions fabulously on 6 hours of sleep? Definitely not.

But for all the characteristics that I don’t possess, there are just as many that I do. And for me, it’s all about learning to accept who I’m not, embrace who I am, and still leave room for the possibility that I could become something I’m not yet aware of. It’s taken me a year, and that’s not to say that I’ve got it all figured out because that would be a big fat lie, but I’m once again starting to feel more comfortable with who I am. I am a wife, I am a mom, I am a friend, I am a runner, and I am a writer, among other things. So, here’s to dreams taking shape, goals being set, and living into who I was created to be. What does that look like for you to live into who you really are today?

A Word From The Hubs

So, my husband is in the final year of his PhD program at Colorado School of Mines and he recently wrote an essay for a scholarship application. In the essay, he answers what the term, "open communication" means to him. I am so proud of all he has accomplished and how hard he's worked, all the while working at his full-time job and becoming the daddy to our son (and all that comes with having a newborn!). But I was so impressed with this essay, probably because I feel like he embodies everything that he wrote so well. So, I just had to share it. I love his heart and this essay reflects just one of countless other things I love about him:

Open Communication
To know and to be known are two core values that all human beings share. We gain a sense of intrinsic value when we realize that we have something significant to offer others and when those around us deem us competent and valuable within our personal realms of expertise. The vehicle for sharing knowledge is open communication and transparency, which can thrive in an environment where people feel free to be who they are. For communication to be effective, mutual respect and acceptance are imperative. All parties must believe both that they have something to contribute to the conversation, and that they have something to learn from others, unencumbered by the artificial stereotypes that are so easily imposed on them. Active listening, which involves repeating back what is heard and further engaging by asking follow-up questions, is a great way to show respect for an individual’s viewpoint. Another way is to represent personal viewpoints as flexible, rather than rigid, thereby giving others permission to offer alternate or challenging viewpoints. Finally, communication is sustainable when carried out with consistent integrity, honesty and authenticity. If communication is conducted in the above manner it can be both freeing and life-giving. In a corporate setting, effective open communication fosters trust, deepens respect, stirs creativity, unifies coworkers and promotes greater productivity.
In both my personal and student life, I value authenticity deeply. I strive each day to represent myself in an honest light, displaying my strengths and being vulnerable with my shortcomings. I have found that in group settings, leading with weakness can be very freeing for others; when they see that I am someone who excels at some things yet struggles with others, the burden of having to represent themselves in an artificial light is lifted, and they are able to communicate openly without fear of condemnation or judgment. I’ve also learned that it is far easier and more effective to learn from another than it is to learn from a book. I value mentors, friends and mentees, as it is important to learn from those who walk ahead, to share with those who walk beside, and to pass on to those who follow. Practicing authenticity and engaging in successful mentoring relationships both hold effective and open communication at their core.